I have a confession to make. It’s something I’ve been in denial of for some time and a part of me was hoping it was just a phase and that I’d snap out of it but it wasn’t that simple. It happened after I had River and became a mother. Something shifted inside of me and in that process I had lost my creative voice as well as myself.
Being a photographer and a creative entrepreneur was my identity for almost 8 years. Each morning I woke up and knew exactly what my roles and responsibilities were. I had passion and drive and I loved my career. I had a 5 and 10 year plan and knew which direction I was going to take Love & Lemonade. And then overnight it all changed.
OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW
After I had River, I felt completely lost. I suffered from postpartum stress and depression (I’ll share more in another post) and for the first couple of months I really didn’t know who I was. The voice and the drive that used to push me to create and express myself no longer existed. It was frustrating and contributed to my stress and depression. I couldn’t bring myself to pick up my camera, or write for the blog, or do anything that didn’t involve mom duties. When I finally felt like I was coming out of my haze, I encouraged myself to slowly start working again. I was hoping this would push me out of my funk and it did but not completely. However, I loved being behind my camera again and working with past and new clients and after a couple of months I felt ready to dive back in and fully immerse myself in my career again.
But the creative voice. That voice was still missing. No matter how much I dug around in my head and my heart, I couldn’t find it. Then it hit me. I couldn’t find it because it no longer existed.
With my new life and my new roles came a new voice that quieted and eventually silenced the old one. I was so focused on the old that I didn’t even notice the new. Until now.
TRUST YOUR CRAZY IDEAS
As I mentioned earlier, I used to have direction and a lot of my frustrations came from not knowing where my business and my career were going. I knew there were some things I had to let go and change but I also knew I needed a new creative outlet to replace them. I tossed around a few ideas but none of them excited me. And then one crazy idea popped up which I initially laughed off. But it stuck and wouldn’t go away. And the more I thought about it and sat with it, the more excited I got.
I finally found my new creative voice.
You guys, I am so so SO excited. The funny thing is, this idea has followed me for years but I never gave it much thought and always wrote it off as being ridiculous. But now it feels different. Now it feels RIGHT. And the timing couldn’t be more perfect.
TURNING DREAMS INTO REALITY
I’m sharing all this with you now because I want to be held accountable. I don’t want to let my doubts and fears get the best of me. I need to put it out there to give this dream some substance and legs to stand on.
I know, I know, I’m being super cryptic and vague and I’m sorry to be annoying but I PROMISE I will reveal everything as soon as I get the ball rolling and everything is set up. I literally decided to go through with this yesterday so I’m barely setting things in motion now.
I’m also going to announce my new project through my newsletter. It feels less intimidating and more intimate this way. My subscribers will be the first to know and the people I’ll be asking for feedback before I make it all public.
So please stay tuned! I don’t know how long it will take me but I’m anxious to start it ASAP so hopefully I will have some more information sooner rather than later.
Thank you for letting me share all this with you! It feels good to get this all off my chest and be open with you. Now it feels like it’s really happening.
I’ll keep you guys posted!
P.S. So that there’s no confusion, I am not walking away from photography. No way. My new venture (passion project might be more appropriate) is completely different and will be a separate creative outlet for me in addition to my photography and this blog.
P.P.S. If you’ve made it this far and you’d like to be in the know, sign up here or down below for my newsletter!