Yesterday we gave River his very first haircut. It sounds like no big deal and maybe it shouldn’t have been but any firsts for parents (maybe more so for new parents) seem like Earth shattering events. Ok, maybe that’s just me…?
River was born with a full head of hair and like most babies he lost a lot of it in his early months. As a result, his hair was patchy, stringy, and grew at odd lengths. Christopher and I went back and forth about when to cut his hair but just kept putting it off. We wanted to grow it long but the longer it got the more awkward and messy it looked. Recently it’s been poking his eyes so we finally decided a haircut was needed.
I DON’T KNOW IF I’M READY FOR THIS
Part of my hesitation to cut his hair was because I wasn’t ready to let go. I wasn’t ready to let go of his “newborness”. This was the last of his hair he was born with and the thought of cutting it all away was breaking my heart. I put it off as long as possible but I knew a haircut was necessary. So after I came home from my shoot yesterday, I gave Christopher the OK.
To say River hated having his hair cut would be an understatement. He cried as Christopher quickly ran the clippers through his hair. When it was my turn to trim the top with scissors, he whimpered through it. Before I could even regret my decision, it was all over and there the 3 of us were with little baby hairs scattered around us and River with a lot less hair.
FROM BABY TO BOY
It didn’t really hit me when I gave him a bath. It still didn’t hit me when I took photos of him with his new hairstyle. And I was fine when we went through his bedtime routine and put him down for the night. It finally hit me when we were finishing dinner and I was staring at him sleeping on the baby monitor. He looked like such a big boy now. And then I sobbed. And sobbed. And sobbed some more. It wasn’t just the haircut. This month was a very emotional one for me as a mother. He started crawling, sitting up unassisted, saying mama and umma (mom in Korean), and just yesterday he pull himself up to stand. He hit so many big milestones in the last couple of weeks that I kept finding myself saying ‘it’s going by too fast’ multiple times a day. As I watched my baby sleep, the realization that he’s becoming more a boy and less a baby hit me hard and the flood gates swung open. I think even Christopher was shocked because I’m not much of a crier. But feeling for the first time like you’re losing your baby is heart crushing.
07.23.2017 RIVER’S FIRST HAIRCUT
I saved his hair. I did. I put it in a Ziploc bag and labeled it 07.23.2017 River’s First Haircut. I couldn’t bear to just toss his newborn hair in the trash. I never thought I’d be that mother but then again I never thought I’d be a mother so there you go. Not going to lie, I’m still pretty emotional about it today (I may or may not be sobbing as I’m typing this) and I’ll probably be emotional all week leading up to him turning 7 months this coming weekend. Knowing he’s now closer to being a year old hurts my fragile mommy heart.
God help me the day he goes off to college. *insert sobbing emoji here*
How did you handle your baby’s first haircut? Any tips for this new mom on how to cope with fleeting time?