This week was a week of reflection for me. I found myself looking back often at the last several years of my life and comparing it to my life now. I wish I could have told my past self that everything will be ok and life will get significantly better. That I’ll be able to leave behind an unhappy life and become stronger, more self-aware and in the end significantly happier.
I don’t want to go into too much detail because I don’t like to think about this specific time in my life and it doesn’t do anyone any good to bring up an ugly past. I was basically stuck in a very unhappy, unhealthy relationship with a horrible person. I was young and scared and tried to do what was right for everyone else except me. When I was finally able to walk away and shut the door once and for all on him, I felt renewed and alive and like I was given another chance. It was the most amazing feeling. I felt free.
I look at my life today and I can’t help but be relieved and so grateful. I could still be stuck in that toxic relationship and be completely miserable. Instead, here I am happily married to the most incredible person I’ve ever known and we’re now awaiting our son who is our little miracle. If I didn’t have the courage to firmly close that chapter in my life and walk away for good, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t finally be happy.
We can’t change our past and make it disappear, unfortunately. We do have the power to make our future better. We’re stronger than we think we are and more capable and resilient. I’ve learned this through that past relationship and I learned it again when we lost 3 babies last year. There is a rainbow after the storm. We just need to chase it and believe it’s waiting for us.
This week I’m so thankful for…
- …our healthy baby. Baby Boy passed all genetics tests and the big anatomy scan with flying colors and he is ‘normal’, thriving, and happy.
- …my wonderful Husband who tries to move mountains to accompany me to all my OB appointments despite his intense and crazy work schedule.
- …the gentle kicks and punches I feel inside my belly. It’s so magical.
- …Husband being able to feel The Baby kick for the first time and witnessing a deeper connection made with his son.
- …my past which reminds me to always appreciate what I have now and for showing me how far I’ve come along.
I leave you with this quote that I read to my Husband right before we were married: